Kyle Banerjee's Blog

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about Keiko, so I thought I might explain what’s going on. About three months ago, fiber optic endoscopy and biopsies confirmed that she has transitional cell carcinoma. I was told that she might get a couple months of good quality life, but that her meds would eventually quit working. We were not given any hope that she’ll survive. I saw the pictures from the scope myself. I didn’t need any medical training to understand how hopeless the situation is.

The good news is that she’s still her old playful self. Some of her vision has returned (though she is still mostly blind) — we believe that is because a tumor pressuring the optic nerve has been reduced in size by her meds. She has outlived the expectations of the oncologist. To use his words, “some dogs just surprise you.”

Her prognosis is still hopeless, and we don’t know how much time she has left. Some days are better than others, but she’s starting to pass blood with more regularity and she needs significantly more rest than she used to. Having said that, she’s still a happy girl and she enjoys the same things she always has.

I’m just thankful for getting to spend the extra time with her. We’ve probably been to the beach more times in the past 3 months than we’ve been in the past 3 years. Keiko (and we) have been eating much better than normal. Even ordinary things like playing fetch, going for a walk, or even just sitting around are much more meaningful when you realize you’re on borrowed time. In reality, we’ve been on borrowed time from the very beginning and just didn’t think about it until recently. I’m glad we had a chance to make things right before it was too late.

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I’ve never thought Californians are totally normal, so when I saw lots of middle aged women shouting into the air (i.e. not directing their comments towards any visible humans) during a trip to San Jose a few weeks ago, I wasn’t surprised.

It occurred to me that while most people would had regarded such behavior as nutty a few years ago, it just doesn’t carry the same stigma that it used to. Thanks to the magic of cell phones and bluetooth, you can not only talk to someone who is hundreds of miles away, you don’t even have to take your phone out of your purse or pocket to do so. The end result is that having an ordinary conversation makes you look like a raving lunatic.

I’m leery of thinking about the “good ‘ol days” but at the same time, I’m wondering what technology has done for communication. When television first came out, people were saying how it was going to spread culture and education everywhere. According to Nielsen research, the average American household has a TV on more than 7 hrs/day, and the average person spends a little over 4 1/2 hours actually watching it. This means that instead of living regular lives, people either watch actors pretending to be people who don’t even exist, or worse, they gawk at people making fools of themselves on “reality shows” that rely almost exclusively on voyeuristic appeal.

Email was also supposed to improve communication and cultural understanding. The practical effect is that there are millions of people who can’t spell, express thoughts coherently, or conduct a normal conversation so they send email to people sitting 10 feet away. I can barely read all the crazy texting jargon that’s worked its way into our language.

Theoretically, cell phones are a very useful device, but they seem to have conditioned us to prefer talking to machines rather than people who are with us. And with bluetooth, we’re now yelling into empty air.

I can’t wait for the next killer technological application…..

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Last night, I decided to put together my new cordless electric lawnmower. However, my new job has me commuting 3 hours a day, and it was pretty late by the time I was done eating dinner. To give myself a chance to relax, I decided to do the job in the living room while watching a funny movie.

Banerjee boys are known for their inquisitive nature. However, sometimes they don’t totally think things through. For example, when we were growing up, one of us found a shotgun shell in the woods and accidentally detonated it in the house while trying to understand how it was put together. Another caused an explosion (also inside the house) while probing the electrical properties of nichrome. Attempts to build rockets and other flying things powered by gasoline, volatile gases, or gunpowder were instructive, but the results weren’t always pretty. I’m not printing names to protect the guilty.

In this tradition, I decided to learn more about my mower — I was interested in the sort of thing that is never printed in the manual. To make a long story short, I accidentally started it and wound up with a lawnmower running in the middle of the living room. Keiko was very calm about it, but it’s probably just as well that Shirley was out of town.

Lest you think we’re a bunch of nincompoops, Sir Isaac Newton once stuck a needle in his eye so he could explore the effect of pressure on color perception. Luckily, the resulting blindness was only temporary. Comparatively speaking, starting a lawnmower inside the house isn’t that bad……

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One thing that I’ve always found strange about living in the information age is how little most of us know about anything. Sure, we get bombarded around the clock about the personal lives of movie stars and ramblings of pundits, but getting useful information is another matter entirely.

Right now, I’m thinking about Google’s nondisclosure agreement. To be offered a job there, you agree that you won’t mention or imply the name of Google, talk about anything that Google does, or use knowledge gained there at future places of employment. Agreements like this are pretty standard, but what bugs me is how many people accept this as normal.

If you can’t talk about what you do and what you know, at best you slow the learning process for those around you. At worst, you do real harm to people who make serious mistakes or cannot solve critical problems because you withheld information. Even if you care nothing about others or aiding progress, you hamstring your career because you might not be able to use your most marketable skill. It’s like learning a foreign language and then not being able to use it.

To get straight to the point, I think that most information is kept secret so those who claim to have an interest in the information can take advantage of others. Many vendors don’t allow libraries to disclose what they pay for products. The only logical explanation is that the customers who are getting ripped off would probably be mad if they found they’re paying much more than other customers. Keeping salaries secret protects the overpaid at the expense of the underpaid. My observation is that the vast majority of the people who hide information from their employers or employees do so with the intention of manipulating the system for their own purposes.

I understand that companies spend a lot of money creating information and that it can’t just be given away. I also understand the need for some information to be secret. However, there is a total lack of balance.

When someone needs to keep everyone else from knowing what they know in order to succeed, it makes me wonder what they really contribute. Withholding service and/or knowledge is not real work, even if the person in question occupies a linchpin position. However, as slaveowners, feudal barons, and others have discovered throughout history, it’s an easy way to live well off someone else.

The library community is always gaga over Google, and as much as I like their products, I think we need to keep an eye on these folks just like we would for anyone else. With about $150 billion in market capitalization as I write this, they effectively have more than $20 for every man, woman, and child on the planet or almost $140 for every internet user.

That’s really a lot for an outfit that makes the bulk of its money from people clicking on advertisements. It takes more than a company motto of “do no evil” to convince me that they’re that different from everyone else — particularly if they won’t let anyone who actually knows anything about them give their honest assessment of what’s actually going on.

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Despite the fact that I ride pretty much every chance I get, I always look forward to various organized rides. You get to see a lot of people and cool equipment. You don’t need to worry about traffic or prepare as carefully because the organizers do many things to make the ride safe and convenient. And the routes are always very scenic — much more fun than riding along the side of a noisy highway in the dark.

Last Sunday, Bryan, Terry, and I kicked off the riding season with the Monster Cookie. I had actually been hoping for cold, wet, and rainy weather so that Bryan and I could tool comfortably around in our Velokits while everyone else suffered (we weren’t worried about Terry because he’s used to riding in crummy weather). However, conditions turned out to be perfect, so we took our highracers and Terry took a short wheelbase recumbent.

It was a blast. Terry’s a strong rider and our crazy light and very aerodynamic highracers are some of the fastest bikes you’ll find on the road, so we maintained a very brisk pace. On the way back, Bryan decided to make us regret he’d ridden with us (he actually didn’t feel like riding that day but correctly assumed we’d give him no end of grief if he wussed out) and really poured on the speed. Terry’s bike isn’t quite as fast as Bryan’s or mine, and I had used my legs up earlier when I was riding too hard so he did manage to put us in considerable misery.

But that’s just part of the fun. Only a nut would go on 100 bike ride if he wanted to be in total comfort. Besides, it feels so good when you stop…..

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Groucho Marx had it right, so I’m stealing his quote for the title of this post. I’ve been on vacation for the past week while I wait for my new job to start. It’s really flown by, but I must say it’s the strangest vacation I can remember.

I was hoping to rest, tinker with my bicycles, and goof off. In particular, I really wanted to ride my new bike pictured here.

Things haven’t quite worked out that way. I spent my first day of vacation attending a committee meeting. The past two days have been spent working at a conference (I made the commitment before I had any idea I would be changing jobs or going on vacation). And it turns out that this new book I’m writing requires more revision than I expected. If someone had told me a year ago that this would be how I’d spend my vacation, I would either would have told them they were insane or that I hoped they’d have the decency to have me committed.

The good news is that things are starting to return to normal. In a few hours, my work at the conference will be done. And I will ride my new bike tonight. Tomorrow, we go to the beach for a whole week — we’ve never been for more than a couple days before. And I’m hoping to be bored, because the only way to be bored is if you have nothing to worry about.

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This past weekend, I celebrated my 40th birthday. Without any exaggeration, I can say it was the best birthday I can remember. Although a few people I would have liked to see couldn’t make it to my party this weekend, most of the people I wanted to see the most were there and we had a great time.

40 is an interesting milestone. The body and mind still mostly work, and you’ve had enough time to figure out what’s important to you acquire the resources to make those things come about. I can’t think of an age I’d rather be.

Having said that, I understand why some people go through a midlife crisis. As time passes, you get past your prime and the virtually unlimited range of options you once faced narrows considerably. Hair falls out and turns gray. You realize that if you’re going to do something, you need to make it happen before the clock runs out.

All I really wanted for my birthday was some good company and for Keiko to still be well enough to enjoy it too. I got both of my wishes and more. I start a new job in just a few days, a new book that I coauthored comes out soon, and I have a lot of great rides planned for the year. Doesn’t get much better than that.

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Keiko’s condition been a major source of stress lately, but this weekend, a lot of things went right. Most importantly, the meds Keiko takes for her cancer really work. She stopped passing blood, and it is simply amazing how much better she feels. Had I not seen the photos from her exam, I’d have difficulty believing anything was wrong with her. The doc says the effect is only temporary, but it’s still very nice.

Shirley had to stay in town because she is performing in a play, but Keiko and I spent the weekend at the beach. The beach has always been Keiko’s favorite place, but I wasn’t quite sure how that would work out since she’s never experienced it blind before.

We had a great time. We played fetch for hours on end — we have a way of playing that allows her to locate the ball primarily by sound. We swam in the ocean at least four times. Keiko got multiple compliments, and I doubt that a single person who saw us playing could have possibly guessed that the dog in the picture above is nearly 10 years old, blind, and suffering from a terminal illness.

Despite the fact we’ve been spoiling her, she has been behaving perfectly. That she acts as well as she does given how we’ve been treating her lately is a testament to how well-trained she is.

Amazingly, our pampering hasn’t made her sick. She’s had New York steak, ribeye, baby back ribs, brats, and this week she’ll get some salmon and filet mignon later this week. Keiko and I are accustomed to a health nut diet and lifestyle, so I’m surprised eating all this rich food hasn’t wreaked havoc on our digestive systems.

I hope we’ll get other opportunities to return to the beach. Regardless of what happens, I’m really happy about how this trip worked out.

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People say that every cloud has a silver lining, but when the skies are just black, it can be really hard to see. Yesterday, I took Keiko to an emergency vet appointment because she has been passing blood for a few days. Although there are a number of benign potential causes, the vet referred me to a specialist to examine her insides with a fiber optic scope in case a tumor caused the bleeding.

The findings exceeded our worst fears. The scope showed her insides ravaged by cancer. If she responds to treatment, the doctor hopes she might have a couple months left. Otherwise, there will be considerably less time.

We’ve had Keiko since she was a puppy. For almost 10 years, the first thing I’ve done upon waking up and returning from work has been to take her for a walk. She’s slept by my side every night. We play fetch at least twice a day as well as other games. When she is at the kennel even for a day, the house seems empty.

Medically, the only thing we can do at this point is make her as comfortable as possible — the drugs she takes will hopefully reduce tumor size and pain. If there is a silver lining, it is that we can now do some things we always wanted. I’m going to take her to the beach where we’ll play until we’re exhausted, eat steak for dinner, and fall asleep. Many years of good living and discipline will allow us to appreciate a few moments when we can break the normal rules.

Keiko still isn’t too sick to enjoy many of her favorite activities, and the best thing I can do to have as much fun with her as possible — it will be hard for her to enjoy herself if she sees how much this is wrecking me up. In the name of my own sanity, what I need to do for her is good for me too. Hopefully, when the time comes to let her go, we will both be at peace and happy for the times we had together.

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A few months ago, I wrote about a job I was thinking of applying for. Anyway, I applied and survived the interview process. I start at my new position in just over a month and a half.

The timing on this is rather curious. Just before I applied, my boss asked me how I felt about where I am now. I told him that my current position was the best job I’ve ever had in terms of fun, responsibilities, and pay, that last year was the best year ever, that I liked my colleagues, and that I was optimistic that things would get even better.

Upon hearing I’d accepted the new position, one of my coworkers asked me if I’m one of those people who quits when he’s at the top of his game. It’s an interesting thought — I left my last position just weeks before I was expected to be awarded tenure and things had been good there too. To take the job at the university, I had to leave the best job and the best boss I had known up to that time.

I don’t really see leaving a job as quitting. To get better at anything, you have to work outside your comfort zone. This means that you can’t settle for just doing what you’re good at. Besides, a certain level of turnover is healthy for organizations. I was at the State Library for 5 years — enough in my opinion for them to get the best out of me. Now they have an opportunity to bring in someone new who will have very different ideas that I do. More likely than not, this new person will do some things I didn’t even think of.

While I’m sad to go — particularly since I’ve been working on some really interesting projects — I know that accepting the offer was the right thing to do. The State Library was good to me, and I hope they feel I was good for them. However, I have a sense that this new job is where I really belong, at least for awhile.

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When I took Keiko to the vet last Saturday, I learned among other things that she is almost totally blind. We’ve known she had vision issues for some time. She used to be able to do all these crazy off balance catches while running. She’d never miss if you threw food at her. Now she never notices anything flying through the air unless it hits her or she hears it fall.

Keiko’s pushing 10, and problems like this are common for dogs her age. However, she’s always been exceptionally fit, so watching her turn into an old dog practically overnight has been more difficult than I expected. Two years ago, she loved to play fetch for hours on end and could literally run circles around dogs half her age. Three years ago, she sent an intruder leaping over the fence minus a size 14 shoe. Now, the dog that waited anxiously for me to wake me up at a quarter to four so I could take her for a 2 mile walk every morning must be coaxed out of bed and wants to quit playing fetch after one or two throws.

The vet told me what I have been expecting for many years, but talking to him reminded me of how few opportunities we have to do things. Keiko’s favorite activity in the whole world — playing fetch at the beach — will never be the same, and the number of times she will even see the beach again is very limited. In reality, there never were going to be that many opportunities to go in first place. In plain English, this means that it’s a good idea to make the most of things when you get the chance.

In many ways, dogs are better at dealing with life than most people. Dogs are very good at working with what they have rather than worrying about what was or could have been. They enjoy the moment and don’t feel a need for extra sympathy as they decline (even if they like the attention). Even though Keiko can see next to nothing and is suffering from the usual ailments that accompany old age, she seems perfectly happy.

We’re going to see what can be done for Keiko. I’ve been told that it’s unlikely that we’ll be able to do anything, but it still doesn’t hurt to at least get a second opinion to verify the diagnosis.

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In a recent blog posting, my good buddy Terry hypothesized that I may be nuts. He reached this conclusion because I’ve been trying to talk him into doing a few especially brutal rides with me this year.

This is going to sound strange, but one thing that’s disappointed me a little is the fact that I’ve never failed to finish a ride. Basically, I think that if you succeed at everything you try, it’s a sign you’re shooting too low.

I like difficult rides, but I’ve never attempted one that I actually had any doubts I could complete. However, last week I think I found one that raised my eyebrows. It’s called the Everest Challenge, and it’s got a bit of everything — over 29,000 feet of climbing, desert conditions, temperatures that range from hot to freezing, and it even has great scenery to boot. Many riders fail to finish.

To most people, participating in events like the Everest Challenge probably sounds like a dumb idea or maybe an effort to compensate for other inadequacies. However, that’s not what’s going on. Life is more interesting if you don’t limit yourself to doing only easy things that people think are sensible.

You learn things about yourself and others when you test your limits. You equip yourself better to deal with future challenges. There’s a sense of accomplishment. You don’t get any of these benefits unless you challenge yourself, even if you can have a lot of fun.

I really like difficult rides because they force you to achieve some very delicate balances. You must expend several thousand more calories than you can possibly consume during the day. You have to subject your body to much more stress than it is designed for. Finishing requires much more than high pain tolerance because effort alone can get you only so far — eventually your body will rebel and shut down if your strategy is all balls and no brains.

Succeeding requires you to constantly adapt to conditions and walk that fine line between operating near or at your limits and pushing yourself over the edge. You must carefully manage your effort, nutrition, and be very in tune with your physical and mental state. In a strange sense, it’s very peaceful and relaxing.

Having said that, I think Terry is nuts too — that’s why I asked him to do these rides. I suspect he won’t be able to resist, and no one else will be crazy enough to want to go…….

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For the past several months, I’ve been working on a book with Terry Reese. Basically, it discusses issues and technologies people need to be aware of if they’re thinking of starting a digital repository. We will finish this week. Even though the publisher has already accepted all of the chapters save two (which Terry and I are finishing), I can already see I have to add or modify a few sections that I was feeling pretty good about just last month.

Right now, I’m at a conference. One thing that absolutely blows my mind is that no matter how many skills and ideas I add to my bag of tricks, I always feel like I’m falling further and further behind.

Only a few years ago, a lone programmer could change the world with some code that was written in a couple hours (or days) using a handful of basic technologies. The days when the lone systems generalist could make a difference are ending. Skills that were once considered exotic are now essential for survival. The technologies, workflows, and services become increasingly sophisticated. Keeping up with the basics is like drinking out of a fire hose.

Our goal was to write something we’d want to read ourselves. Despite the fact that it’s on a technical topic, we were also hoping the ideas would be good for a few years. We’ll see how things go. In a worst case scenario, our book may help make some birds happy or prove useful for training puppies.

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Regardless of your religious affiliation (or attitude towards religion for that matter), I expect most people would agree that among other things, the holiday season shakes up the normal routine and reminds us of what is real and important.

Its a stressful time, but it’s also a good time to see people at their best. Rather than worrying about what’s going on at the office, we think about others and spend time with people we don’t normally find enough time for. We think of good things people have done in the past and aspire to be better ourselves. People are more generous and tolerant than they are at other times of the year. And it’s just plain fun.

I’ve always been fond of saying that beer tastes best when you’ve earned it. If you work hard and do some good, I don’t think there’s anything wrong in kicking back and enjoying yourself. However, there’s a time when it’s time to get back to business. According to the body fat monitor, I gained several pounds during the holiday season, all of it fat. A publishing deadline on a book I’m working on is looming. And there’s plenty waiting for me when I return to my desk.

In all honesty, I’m looking forward to getting into my regular groove and eating normal food for awhile. Not thinking about work for a few days has been great. However, as much as I like goofing off, I also like to do something useful on a regular basis, if only to keep balance in my life.

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